Meet Hugo Busbridge – an industrial designer, Head of Design Technology at Kellett School, co-director of the Family Zone, and proud father to a two-and-a-half-year-old girl. He’s passionate about empowering dads and supporting them on their parenting journey, which is why he started the “Hold my Beer Baby” dad support workshop for new and expecting fathers.
Paternal Postpartum Mood Disorder is very real.
Hugo’s daughter, Stella, was born in July 2020, in the middle of the COVID pandemic. When none of their family members were able to visit and social life became non-existent, both Hugo and his wife Michelle noticed a sharp downturn in their mental health.
Michelle had her mum community to turn to for support during the ups and downs of postpartum life, but Hugo was left feeling lost and isolated as a new dad in Hong Kong. Being one of the first in his group of friends to start a family, he struggled to find resources and connections with other dads. As he watched Michelle chat away with her mum friends on Whatsapp, he couldn’t help but ask himself, “Where’s my dad’s group?” That’s when he decided to take matters into his own hands and start the first dad support workshop in September 2022, creating a space for new dads to connect and support each other in the city.
A future-looking workshop that helps dads define the dad they want to become
With years of experience as a teacher, Hugo has a knack for helping students discover their goals and reach their full potential. This same skill set has proven invaluable in running his dad support workshop, as he’s able to relate to and empathize with the struggles and successes of new fathers.
The “Hold my Beer Baby” workshop is focussed on creating a laid-back atmosphere for new dads to connect and learn from each other. Held in a relaxed bar setting, the workshop kicks off with some icebreaker questions where participants anonymously share their answers by tossing them into a pint glass. From there, dads reflect on their own experiences and visualize the kind of father they want to be. In a supportive and judgement-free environment, they also learn how to communicate effectively with their partners, shifting the focus from accusations to feelings and avoiding the argument loop.
Realizing they are not alone in their struggles
Among the dads that come to the workshop, some struggle with work-life balance, some feel resentment towards the fact that they have to take on childcare duties after a long day at the office, some struggle to come to terms with their new identity, and some struggle with the changing dynamics in their relationship with their partners.
Hugo shares that his role is not to offer a solution to all these problems. Instead, the workshop is designed to give fathers an outlet to express their feelings, connect and show solidarity, and learn from others’ wisdom. Through these exercises, dads are empowered with a clearer vision of the dad and role-model they want to be and how to get there.
“I remember on one occasion an anxious participant showed up having just found out his wife was pregnant. He was able to connect with other dads there and learn useful tips. When we later saw him at our antenatal class, he was much more relaxed and at ease with the adventure he was about to embark on.”
Relationships change after children, and communication is key
When asked about his advice for new dads, Hugo stressed the importance of communication. “Talk to your partner, and really listen to them. Don’t be afraid to express how you feel. ”
Something that often gets swept under the rug is how much having children can change a relationship. This can happen for a variety of reasons: exhaustion, the physical and hormonal changes that mothers go through, adjusting to new roles as parents. That’s why Hugo believes it’s important to have honest conversations about intimacy and how to reconnect and understand each others’ needs. By starting these conversations early on, even during pregnancy or before, couples can avoid building up resentment and instead build a stronger, more honest relationship.
In the chaos of taking care of a new baby, Hugo reminds dads to check in with their partners and compliment them. Many new dads feel like they don’t know how to take care of a baby, but they have always known how to take care of their partner. “To be a good parent, you need to be a good partner first.”
The next “Hold My Beer Baby” workshop will happen on May 18th, 7-9pm at the Globe, 45-53A Graham St, Central. The cost is 390 HKD/person, which includes drinks, nibbles and free flow questions. In our opinion, this is the best value free flow package you can get in Hong Kong. To sign up, please click here. To learn more about the Family Zone and what they do to support new parents in Hong Kong, please visit their website.
Rosalind Bei
A proud mom to two adorable little girls, Rosalind is the founder of Parachute. She started Parachute out of her own frustrations in finding postnatal nannies in Hong Kong. Her vision is to make postpartum help more accessible than ever, so those early parenting days can be filled with more cuddles, confidence and peace.
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